Talking Balls

Victoria 'Bollocks' Beckham

Whoaaa!I've just read this quote from the oboe-faced Victoria Beckham and havetherefore exploded my eyes into my own palms. Read, if you will, this load of cock:

"There are quite a few video conferences at5 a.m. with me in my dressing gown, holding baby. For me it's no different thanit is for a lot of women out there. It's like juggling glass balls. I love it." 
Indeed, that last line is where said cock lurks. Who in the fuckenjoys, nay, loves video conferencing at 5am while anewborn shits into their lap? Who, pray? I fucking well didn't enjoy it when Idid it and I'm as sure as fuck that no other mother enjoys it either. In fact Ididn't enjoy it to the extent that I now feed from a nosebag ofanti-psychotics. 

I've written columns twentyminutes from deadline with one finger while a three month old KJ screeched inmy left arm. I've done interviews while wiping up the sick that's just puddledover the carpet. I've called editors while shoving a bottle into KJ's gob tokeep her quiet for five minutes. And no, I didn't love any of it. In fact, Ifucking hated every second of it. I hated the chaos, the noise, the panic andthe persistent feeling that I was failing every poor fucker who dared to comeinto contact with me.

The thing is with Beckham isthat she is, well, Beckham. She doesn't get arsy clients shouting at her,doesn't get threatened with her job when she misses work for another jabsvisit, doesn't have to troop on until bedtime 14 hours later because there'sprobably a queue of nanny's desperate to pick up her fucking slack.

I love it. Bollocks, Beckham, bollocks.