Baby Talk

Oh, the glamour!

Wondersnever bloody cease, do they? I’ve just been privy to an absurd debate on how theMTV shows 16 and Pregnant and Teen Mom glamorise teenage pregnancy. Shiton a stick, it was like listening to common sense and intelligence spiral downthe plughole.

Have thesepeople ever seen the shows? If they have while simultaneously witnessinganything that encouraged teenagers to get knocked up then I’ll willingly letthem take their pick of any of my vital organs. I’ve watched the shows since theyfirst clogged up MTV and I’ll be fucked if I can remember a single moment of glamour.In fact all I can remember is broken hearted parents, abandoned 15-year oldgirls, feckless boyfriends, screeching infants, resentful 3am feeds and fuckall chance of a decent education this side of Russell Grant being straight.

Sotell me, which part of this is glamorous?  At what point would any half-sentient teenagerwatch these shows and think, “what a fucking great idea! If I’m pregnant byNovember I can be dumped, broke, uneducated and friendless by Christmas.Whoo-oo!”

I’veeven heard the argument that these shows encourage teenage pregnancy. Are youfor fucking real? Encourage pregnancy? What, by wooing viewers with graphic scenesof teenagers tearing their vaginas during childbirth? Or by wowing them withthe blazing rows they could have with boyfriends who swear the kids aren’ttheirs? Look, if this stuff encourages some girls to get pregnant then may Iput forward the idea that said girls are unlikely to be chucking away greatcareers as physicists or diplomats as a result. Instead they’re probably so batshit crazy that they’re an insult to bat shit.

Problemis, this argument is reeled out whenever any TV show or film addresses theshittier side of life. Chuck a scene about drugs, booze or sex into a show andsuddenly we’re glamorising anything from overdoses to abortions. Oh spare me.No fucker ever complains that Eastenders glamorises the soul-sucking boredom ofrunning a market stall on the square you are born and will die on, do they? Andfrankly, I find the encouragement of the latter way more worrying than the encouragementof the former.

Soturn your ire on something a little more deserving, you soothsaying nutbags.When you see a show that rewards pregnant 12 year olds with duffel bags of cashand a shag with Justin Bieber feel free to holler. Until then, try rescuingyour common sense from that plughole, if it’s not too late.