Talk Talk

Connolly's not here yet?

Oh Jesus. By all accounts Michael Parkinson – professionalYorkshire-born gruffbag  – is coming outof retirement to host his own talk show again. Just what telly needs, yetanother outlet for celebs to have themselves tickled under the chin.

Now, Parkinson would quibble at that description, I have nodoubt. It’s clear from his quotes about his latest televisual skirmish that hethinks he offers viewers something new. He grumbles: “If you look at Graham(Norton), Jonathan (Ross) and that chatty person (Alan Carr), the host is asimportant as the guest. That’s fine but there isn’t the kind of show that Iused to do...We’re kind of stuck in this area where it’s all about humour. It’scertainly not about interviewing.”

Well, fuck me. Call Billy Connolly. And David Beckham. Oh,and Billy Connolly again, because every time they’ve appeared on his show inthe past (they’re on some 3-week rota or other) they sure as shit don’t get thebusiness end of Jeremy Paxman, do they? No, they get to breeze their way thougha few carefully chosen anecdotes at the growly nudging of best mate Parky whowould rather renounce flat caps than offend them. It’s celeb chin-tickling atits fawning best so it beats me why Parkinson has the bulging hump over thelikes of Norton and Ross.

And, yeah, Parkinson may be remembered for his must-watchinterviews but they are now dust-bunnies under the futon of modern telly.Muhammad Ali? His last interview with Parkinson was in 1981, thirty one yearsago. And Rod Hull and Emu? That was in 1976, thirty six years ago.

Problem is, the world, telly and the juggernaut of celebrityhas changed since then. If Parky thinks he can take his pick of A-listers andgrill them until they sweat spinal fluid then I fear he is deluded. Their PRs would be all over him like syphilis and the show producers would live in fearof pissing off the screen meat. His no-nonsense recipe for a show would soon bediluted and before you know it he’d be interviewing Billy fucking Connolly forthe fifteenth time.

All of which means that Parkinson needs to wake the frig up.Unless he really is going to make a new interviewing mark and to fuck with themodern etiquette of celeb-loving, that is. Otherwise we’d better gird ourselvesfor yet another foray into Connolly’s well trodden past. Oh, and another andanother...